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Start > Nurses > Resource centre > Articles > Medical Jokes

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:

1. "Oops."
2. "Rats, I forgot my glasses again."
3. "Dang it, not again."
4. "Hey bring that back!! Bad dog. A human bone is no toy for a dog!"
5. "Someone call the janitor, we have a BIG mess again."
6. "Shoot, I can't get my arm out of her back. Were going to have to cut it off."
7. "And now we place the ape's brain in the subject's body."
8. "That's cool! Can you make his leg twitch?
9. "What? They're missing that too? Oh well, I guess we'll have to try how to remember how to do surgery."
10. "What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?"
11. "Oops. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"
12. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Shoot- the guy's got two of 'em."
13. "Could you stop that thing from thumping, it's throwing my concentration off."
14. "You forgot what he was in for? Oh well, let's surprise him."
15. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
16. "Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?"
17. "Hand me that...uh...that uh....thingie."
18. "Um, is this thing supposed to be moving? Cause I think it's about to choke the patient."

Teacher: Michael
Many articles taken from 'A word with the doctor', by Dr. John Windsor.


Exercises on this article:
Recreate this article
Reconstruct this article Irregular verbs
Articles (a, an, the) Determiners Replace missing verbs
Medical English

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